It's been a long tough journey - the last few months. I'm just glad it's all over for now. I've lost too many things, too many people... Now, I've come to realise that I no longer know how to feel about certain things. Somehow, I have lost my trust in family, friendships and love. People can be so unreliable that it scares me. When can I ever learn to trust again???

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

Here we go...

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Come Rain or Come Shine - Frank Sinatra

2) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
My Favourite Game - The Cardigans

3) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Where Do I Begin? - Lesley Garrett

4) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Know It - Darlene Zschech

5) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Everytime - Simple Plan

6) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Have Dreamed - Leona Gordon/Reuben Feuntes

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Poor Fool/He Makes Me Laugh - The Phantom of the Opera

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Single in Singapore - Beauty World

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
There's a Fine, Fine Line (Reprise)/What Do You Do With a B.A. in English? - Avenue Q

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Biggest Part of Me - Ambrosia

11) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Do It To Me - Lionel Richie

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
愛才 - Janice Vidal (衛蘭)

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Another World - Beauty World

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
One - Simple Plan

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
True Colours - Phil Collins

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
杯酒當歌 - Sam Hui

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Blue Orchid - The White Stripes

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Tell Him - Vonda Shephard

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne

20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
All I Have to Do is Dream - Bobbie Gentry & Glen Campbell

21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Slow Down - Corrinne May

22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Shout to the Lord - Darlene Zschech

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
The Carnival of the Animals: Hens and Cocks - Philharmonia Orchestra/Kurtz

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
As Ugly As I Seem - The White Stripes

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
One in a Million You - Larry Graham

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Rnw@Y (Backyard Bangers ft. Phoenix Orion) - Linkin Park

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Feelin' So Good - Olivia

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
鬼馬雙星 - Sam Hui

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Good to Be Back - Dick Lee

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Not Sorry - The Cranberries

OMG.

I have been super busy since school started. So much work to do. So many things on my mind. So many things happening all at the same time. I haven't surfed the net, turned on msn or blogged for a freaking long time. It's been one hell of a term and sometimes, I just wanna shoot myself in the head. Anyways, it's recess week next week. So I've temporarily been released from the horror of the term but I'm going to get back at work tomorrow. Still have many many social strat extra credit assignments to finish up, not to mention the horrendous three projects that I have not started doing yet.

So many thoughts running through my mind right now...So many different feelings going on inside me...

All in all, I just wanted to say to someone "Thank you for being there." Because it hurt so bad. It really did. You never knew how close I was so breaking down. So, so close... But I managed to put it all aside because of your actions. That's how significant your presence was, so don't think that no one will notice if you disappear from the face of the earth. Please don't laugh at me after reading this ok? For the first time in a long time, I won't be shy in admitting that, at the very least, I will notice and I WILL MISS YOU. (:

On a side note, I broke my first resolution not to cry a single tear this year. I teared quite a bit while I was studying for my managerial accounting exam on Tuesday and I went sobbing during and after my shower early on Wednesday morning at about 1am. Oh well, at least I tried. :(

It was just last Saturday when I attended my cousin's wedding dinner. She was really very pretty in her wedding gown. Actually, come to think of it, she looks pretty in everything and anything that she wears. Sometimes, growing up with a pretty cousin like her makes me feel so insecure. Sigh...and now the pressure is on me. I'm the oldest unmarried one left in the family. Anyways, this kind of thing can't be rushed into. I'll just to continue waiting and praying that I won't be left on the shelf. I don't wanna be an old maid!! :(

On that day, there was some problems with the seating arrangements, so I ended up sitting at the VIP table. Felt a little weird but at least I had the best service and table setting. Had a lot of mixed feelings that day. Ended up feeling like I don't know how to feel anymore. I didn't know what to make of it but I don't think I will blog too much about that. Don't feel like I should say too much about it yet it's something significant. Ah.....I'm like talking gibberish now...

I was reading a friend's blog and she linked the mtv of this song 你不是真正的快樂 sung by 五月天. Really speaks of how I feel these days...Anyways, need to go finish up my response paper for Social Stratification. I have spent the last hour procrastinating already!! So, till the next time I guess. Ciao!

My New Year Resolutions for 2009
From the moment the clock hits 12 midnight:
1) I will not shed a single tear ever again.
2) I will never fall in love ever again.
3) I will work my hardest to obtain the fucking merit award for my degree.
4) I will work my hardest to get a good job and get my career kick-started.

Well, I don't know if I can keep numbers 3 and 4 but I'm pretty definite that I will keep numbers 1 and 2.

Happy New Year y'all!~

Feeling rather pleased with myself now. Cleared a wee bit of packing and cleaning today. I even bought the present for a friend's baby shower and self-indulged in buying a loofah sponge to remove dead skin cells from my legs. Whoopee! (:

From now on, I'm going to concentrate on loving myself because I have not done that in years. Was previously too busy caring about other people so it's time to do myself some justice.

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Even though you said you wanted to maintain a friendship, I really don't see it working out. You're hardly making any effort on your part. It's always me who initiates every damn thing; the phone calls, the smses, the msn messages, the meetups, the going-outs and every other little thing. I know you still care but I really do not feel like you bother about me.

That's why on Boxing Day, I told myself that no matter what your response was, I am going to give up on you and live life for myself. If you really do care about or love me, you will have to work to build the relationship back because I'm not going to bother anymore. It really doesn't make sense for me to do all the dirty work for you while you sit back, relax and enjoy the company.

Besides, you seem a lot happier without me in your life... So, why should I bother to try to do something that makes me feel so unhappy and unappreciated? I don't think you need me by your side anyway, not anymore. Now, you just probably want someone else.

♪ jacq
♪ 3rd nov 1983
♪ scorpio
♪ smu social science
♪ dreamer

♥ white roses
♥ singing
♥ writing poetry
♥ puzzles
♥ pretty bags
♥ beautiful scenery

♦ to be loved and to love in return
♦ to excel in work for the coming year

October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009

♀ alex
♀ brenda
♀ eugenie
♂ jareth
♀ jessica
♀ lishan
♀ sj
♀ taa

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